Adelyn,

Today I dropped you off for your first day of kindergarten.

You couldn’t sleep last night, neither could I. You opened my door at 3 am and whispered “Ma, my bed’s not good enough”, I rolled over and in my (fake) grumpy voice I told you to get in. This morning you could barely finish your breakfast because you were scared you wouldn’t have enough time to brush your teeth. You fluffed your hair, put on your glasses and very matter-of-a-factly said “I’m ready to go now.”

I am amazed by you little girl. You grabbed my hand walking up to the school and when we got to the door you just… let go. So easily you were ready to step into the unknown, confidently, full of smiles addressed to strangers instead of me. You’re teaching me so many lessons and you have no idea.

I didn’t cry until I turned the car on. I cried for me. I know I sent a little blessing into the world. I equipped you and it’s up to you now. I cried because for five years, it’s been just us. We both made it. It’s a silent yet mighty victory.

I love you, I love you, I love you.

Give ’em hell babygirl.

Ma

I’m sick of the impermanence of life.

Many people are obsessed with notion of “If it’s meant to be it will”, and while I agree to some degree, I still believe that connections between us as humans are all we truly have in this world.

I want to fight for those connections and have others fight for those connections with me.

I have no idea where this is going but it’s going somewhere.

 

 

I used to have an easy smile… then you came along.

Can you smell the lack of trust on my breath?

Is it that obvious? Does my attitude offend you?

Does it remind you of your missteps?

I was wide open. Heart like child, soul like sun.

But I ain’t been that way in awhile.

When I’m scared I usually hide under a rock until I feel safe again. I used to be a warrior who jumped at the chance to slay dragons but I’ve been burned before. I’m way more cautious after having my daughter. To be honest I only want people around me who understand sometimes I need to run away. I swear it’s not personal…

Already planning 2017. Here are a few of the key thoughts I’m trying to have shape my new year.

• You’re a goddess, no matter what stage of life you’re in.
• Think BIGGER.
• Just wear it, Tash. – this is a major key for me. too much thinking… why stress when you’re trying to enjoy yourself.
• Patient but persistent.
• Read. Everything.
• Be happy, you deserve it girl.

Next step setting goals.

Let’s make 2017 our biatttchhhh!